Love Without Expectations Short

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in

(Leonard Cohen – Anthem)

Love is a complicated multi-meaning trap word, that every person understands in a different way.

• Love is a chaotic force.

You may not like your parents, siblings, high school crush or ex, but you can love them. It’s pure chaos in The Game of Self that is very hard to manage consciously.

• Love is an outgoing force

This is why it’s so difficult to truly love yourself. Love is a truly selfless giving force.

• Romantic love should not be regarded as something between two people because it’s asymmetrical by nature. A much more realistic picture is of you loving each other independently. The strength, depth and exact mix of feelings are never the same.¹

There are four types of love: Self-Love, Love as a concept, Love in biology and Unconditional Love.

Self-Love

In The Game of Self there is only one person around. You.

The sooner you develop Self-Love, the better everything is. The good part is it’s naturally easier to love someone who is… always around.

True Love comes with understanding, forgiveness and no expectations. It just lets things be.

It’s natural and flourishes on its own when you don’t have too many fears, shame and guilt.

Self-Love is a rarely pure, deeply internal concept that does not have anything at all to do with The Game of Life.

No external validation is needed. No achievements. No comparisons. No actions. No expectations. No thoughts even… Just the feeling you are worthy of life.

It’s the center of your Game of Self. Because there isn’t a single another thing not connected to it.

Love as a concept

Love as a concept that unites us. A force for good, freedom from fear which makes us superhuman. When all our inertia and barriers are gone and we achieve anything possible in The Game of Life with ease and harmony.

Chaos + Love result in a beautiful mess of Inspiration, Motivation and Creativity. A very Hunter move inducing mix. An unstoppable driving force for creation and sharing. 

Structure + Love result in building the best structures that last. All of science and technology is a result of mixing Love with Structure. A preserving force.

Intuition is the key bridge between the two. It needs the freedom of Chaos to work. But also the foundational truth of Structure.

People evolved in a world without much structure and therefore cannot understand it. For most people the complex intellectual ways to get closer to the objective truth simply do not exist. With no truth to stand on, Intuition in intellectual subjects like science also collapses.

If the structure is missing, we have only an industrial amount of the Chaos + Love force. So the chaotic power is there but misdirected. The End result is:

Misinformation, conspiracy theory, fake news.

The majority of people mean no harm and are very loving and caring. They follow their heart and it just doesn’t lead them to the truth because truth, unlike emotions, is not a major survival factor. They just don’t have the truth-finding tools, which, unlike Love and empathy, are not built into us.

We have to compassionately show these people that Structure has to be learned to an extent so your intuition can step on something. And that they have to develop intellectual trust and not depend on the more primal emotional trust. In a filter bubble the emotional trust is what keeps the lies and polarization going around.

Complex topics and its relation to personal freedoms each require their own deep dive to access all the relevant Game of Life facts and Game of Self feelings involved. But we should all be led by empathy when dealing with each other and led by facts when dealing with the world. Caring for the information we expose other people to is a form of Love.

The Game of Life needs Structure to understand it. Love as a concept is a force multiplier for your actions. And Structure is pointing this power in the right direction, determined by truth.

You need them both.

Love in biology

Love in biology acts as a binding force.

Love in biology for our kids is the strongest one, as they depend on us for their survival. They will probably never love us back as much as we love them – another of the ways love is not symmetrical.

Love in biology in the form of attraction for our partner so the kids can arrive. Evolution can be defined as: Those who reproduce, reproduce.

Love in biology for our family so we can raise kids and stand together in the face of danger.

Love in biology for our closest people (our tribe). Again bonding so we better cope with danger.

Unconditional love

• When you want the loved person to be happy more than you want yourself happy
• When you objectively make sacrifices for the loved person and they don’t feel like sacrifices.
• When actions that would annoy/hurt you, do not cause harm when coming from your loved one.
• When it feels right to give freedom to your loved one.
• When there are no expectations.

Usually, feelings in your heart are a mix of attraction and Unconditional Love.

Where do we get our ideas about Love? The same place we get all our ideas – culture.²

The words and expressions we use like “fall in love” are rooted in wrong assumptions.

Here are the main myths about Love in our culture:

Love can break your heart

It’s not Love that can make you miserable, it’s expectations. And Unconditional Love does not come with any expectations.

Unconditional Love is only connected to the happiness of the loved one. It can lead to sadness if your loved one is unhappy. And even in dark times, it will bring light to you, along with the darkness. Like in this and also this amazing movies.

Love comes with huge drama

If you have expectations in Love, dramatic ups and downs will obliterate you. Ditching expectations makes you wiser, emotionally healthier and much nicer to be around.

Sadness is a part of life. It has its place as my favorite animation movie shows. Sadness is a part of healthy healing processes and it does not equal suffering which comes from failed expectations.

Love needs some attraction

Having a constant flow of attraction and being in relationships may distract you from the precious people you can give Unconditional Love to.

If you don’t feel attractive, compensate with muscles (men) or makeup/elegance (women).

Making you attractive increases distraction factors and you decrease your odds of ending up with someone who values you.

In Love we do not have complete control over anything.

If the love is one-sided it’s even more important to have a kind, understanding person on the other side. Most of those grow into beautiful friendships. Lots of love, lots of inspiration, lots of conversation and surely preferable to an unhealthy relationship.

Is it possible to choose who we fall in love with?

You cannot choose. But you can leave yourself with more good options and fewer bad ones.

There are so many ways to see if a heart is full of the kindness you want. If you think about it you don’t need to date someone to find this out. You just need to be around. Because in dating the only challenge (to look cool and attractive) can be easily faked, while it’s not usual for people to fake their whole everyday life.

One of your main goals in life already is… filling all your life with the best people you can find. You don’t need to do any extra effort to improve the odds of falling in love with a great person, just prioritize this already important thing even higher.

You should never hold back on loving someone if they give kindness vibes:

You love strongly -> Barriers fall and you become more honest and open to others  -> You attract more beautiful people in your social circle that value these qualities -> Your chances of loving strongly a beautiful person increase -> You get hurt by loved ones less or not at all -> Your fears and barriers diminish -> You love even more strongly

Love is highly dependent on the Freedom in your life. Because with freedom you can have beautiful people around. Freedom is mostly influenced by your Game of Self strength (no sheep is free) and your Money and experience of how to use them to change your Game of Life.

What happens if it’s a one-sided love

Culture was not a failure about this some time ago. Philosophers and authors had nuanced views with my favorite saying coming from Friedrich Nietzsche:

Indispensable…to the lover is his unrequited love, which he would at no price relinquish for a state of indifference.

However, in modern times, our culture never fails to fail, considering one-sided love a fully valid reason to be miserable and depressed.

If the attraction is the main component, you will suffer that you cannot be together and there is a risk of your darkest sides coming to life.

In a study of 5,000 people in six cultures, 84% of women and 91% of men admitted to having had at least one fantasy of murder, and the vast majority fantasized about killing sexual rivals.³

Jealousy is still a leading cause of violence and the leading cause of spousal murder worldwide.

When Unconditional Love is in charge you are not the center of the story anymore, your loved one is. You think about how they feel. And their happiness becomes the main goal. This takes all the pressure off you and the expectations should be gone.

If the love is one-sided, there is no reason not to let your loved one know. Summon up your courage and do it in person. Showing your vulnerability is brave and genuine and the right thing to do.

While the notorious “friend zone” is a very real thing, being in a close friendship with Unconditional Love with full transparency can be a joyful experience.

The hardest thing in life (change) suddenly becomes natural and easy. You feel like you have no barriers in The Game of Self and thus also in The Game of Life. You’re fluid and unstuck and full of energy and motivation.

Feeling Unconditional Love is one passion. If you don’t have another, you risk leaning into obsession. “The principle of two” states that at any point you need at least two very passionate activities in your Game of Life.

Now that you know this, you just need to find something you really care about and turn it into a passion. Unconditional Love will help with that as you’re surely in hunter mode at the moment.

There is no stronger force in life than Unconditional Love. Enjoy its power and take advantage of the shattered barriers to grow both in The Game of Self and The Game of Life … and grow younger 🙂