Love is a complicated multi-meaning trap word. Love is a chaotic, outgoing and selfless giving force, so it is very hard to manage consciously.
Romantic love should not be regarded as something between two people because it’s asymmetrical by nature. A much more realistic picture is of you loving each other independently. The strength, depth and exact mix of feelings are never the same.
There are four types of love: Self-Love, Love as a concept, Love in biology and Unconditional Love.
The sooner you develop Self-Love, the better everything is. True Love comes with understanding, forgiveness and no expectations. It just lets things be. It’s natural and flourishes on its own when you don’t have too many fears, shame and guilt. Self-Love is a rarely pure, deeply internal concept that does not have anything at all to do with The Game of Life. No external validation is needed. No achievements. No comparisons. No actions. No expectations. No thoughts even. Just the feeling you are worthy of life. It’s the center of your Game of Self. Because there isn’t a single another thing not connected to it.
Love as a concept unites us. A force for good which makes us superhuman. When all our inertia and barriers are gone and we achieve anything possible in The Game of Life with ease and harmony. Chaos + Love result in a beautiful mess of Inspiration, Motivation, Creativity and Sharing. A very Hunter move inducing mix. Structure + Love result in building the best structures that last. All of science and technology is a result of mixing Love with Structure. A preserving force. Intuition is the key bridge between the two. It needs the freedom of Chaos to work. But also the foundational truth of Structure. If the structure is missing, we have misinformation, conspiracy theory, fake news. The majority of people don’t have the truth-finding tools, which, unlike Love and empathy, are not built into us. They have to develop intellectual trust and not depend on the more primal emotional trust. We should all be led by empathy when dealing with each other and led by facts when dealing with the world. Caring for the information we expose other people to is a form of Love. Love as a concept is a force multiplier for your actions. And Structure is pointing this power in the right direction, determined by truth.
Love in biology acts as a binding force. Love in biology for our kids is the strongest one, as they depend on us for their survival. Then there is Love in biology in the form of attraction for our partner so the kids can arrive and Love in biology for our family so we can raise kids. And Love in biology for our closest people (our tribe).
Unconditional Love is when you want the loved person to be happy, when you objectively make sacrifices for the loved person, when actions coming from your loved one do not cause harm, when it feels right to give freedom and there are no expectations.
There are the many myths about Love in our culture. It’s not Love that can make you miserable, it’s expectations. It can lead to sadness if your loved one is unhappy. Sadness is a part of healthy healing processes and it does not equal suffering which comes from failed expectations. Making you attractive increases distraction factors and you decrease your odds of ending up with someone who values you.
In Love we do not have complete control over anything. If the love is one-sided it’s even more important to have a kind, understanding person on the other side. Most of those grow into beautiful friendships. Lots of love, lots of inspiration, lots of conversation and surely preferable to an unhealthy relationship.
You cannot choose who you fall in love with. But you can leave yourself with more good options and fewer bad ones. There are so many ways to see if a heart is full of the kindness you want. You don’t need to date someone to find this out. You just need to be around. Because in dating the only challenge (to look cool and attractive) can be easily faked, while it’s not usual for people to fake their whole everyday life. You should never hold back on loving someone if they give kindness vibes.
If the love is one-sided, there is no reason not to let your loved one know. Summon up your courage and do it in person. Showing your vulnerability is brave and genuine and the right thing to do. The hardest thing in life (change) suddenly becomes natural and easy.
Feeling Unconditional Love is one passion. If you don’t have another, you risk leaning into obsession. “The principle of two” states that at any point you need at least two very passionate activities in your Game of Life.
There is no stronger force in life than Unconditional Love. Enjoy its power and take advantage of the shattered barriers to grow both in The Game of Self and The Game of Life … and grow younger.
